selfish

I just have to say it once— you just have to hear it. I love you, Elena... and it's because I love you and... I can't be selfish with you. Why you can't know this— I don't deserve you. But my brother does... God, I wish you didn't have to forget this... but you do.

-Damon Salvatore in The Vampire Diaries

Close.

At the end of the day, when it comes down to it, all we really want is to be close to somebody. So this thing where we all keep our distance and pretend not to care about each other, it’s usually a load of bull. So we pick and choose who we want to remain close to, and once we have chosen those people, we tend to stick close by. No matter how much they hurt you.

Just because I'm used to it, doesn't mean it doesn't hurt anymore.

You always do it; so routinely like it didn't matter to you.

It feels like even if I vanish off the Earth, you won't even notice.

Change

Change is good nor bad, it is neither savage nor wise. It is either constructive or destructive. But without change, we are stuck, rooted and stagnant. We neither take a step forward nor backward. We play life safely, afraid of uncertainties and possibilities. With change comes responsibilities and consequences, it may hurt at first but eventually we will learn, and as we learn, we will grow and as we grow, we will know that this change we chose was right instead of repose. So take a risk, take a chance, make a change & live a life.

maybe I’m a masochist...

I need to stop clinging on to this. All I am now doing is clutching at straws and I wish I could just accept this and move on. I really wish you would show me no attention. Each time you do, the word 'maybe' comes back into play and I am sick of torturing myself with the thoughts of possibilities. Never have I been more confused by one person. I don't know how you've managed to gain this control, this control you quite clearly have which I still cannot admit to myself. God knows why I would follow you to the end of this Earth but the forces are all there. I don't even know why you stand out above the rest, why you are the first to be noticed, why your words weigh more than that of any other. All you ever do is make me insecure and aware of my inadequacy. You will ask me why I am afraid and why I hide from you. It is because I am not brave and I know I will always lack the courage I should have. It is because I am so helplessly average in every way, whilst you remain endlessly interesting and I am ugly through and through when you are charming and I am awkward and you are so ceaselessly endearing. And all in all much too good for me. I am so hopelessly boring that I could never give you the excitement and passion and perfection that you seek. I will let you down in the way I have done every other time because I am fickle and I am weak and indecisive. And it is you that makes me want to be everything that I am not, because you look for something I don't possess. You have always dreamed of something, someone far better than me. When my words bore you, when you ignore me, all I can do is to blame myself for not being interesting enough. I can give myself to others; I have more options than I could ever care for, but this lack of closure means that emotionally I can't do anything because I cannot completely eliminate the possibility of you. I'm sick of your reflective eyes forever staring into mine, tormenting me with their perfection. I'm sick of that captivating smile, there's nothing to beat it. I'm sick of everything I know I can never do and never be. Knowing that the one time I am certain of what I want, it is completely unattainable.

Seattle

Who else would be

Calling me at 3 am

Just to tell me

You're still there

The sky's still falling

Tell me what you

Need to hear this time to make it count

Jason Walker

It Ends, before it Begins

Look at us,

We’re arguing & we’re not even together.

We’re jealous & we can’t even claim each other.

We’re clingy & we’re not even attached to each other like that.

We’re doubtful when it’s still too soon.

We’re crying when we really shouldn’t be.

& I have a feeling, we’re about to end, before we even get a chance to begin.

♥

was I the only one?

Was I the only one who fell in love?

There never really was the two of us

Maybe my all just wasn't good enough

Was I the only one, only one in love?

As I walk down the hall I see the place on the wall

Where the picture of us used to be

I fight back these tears 'cause I still feel you here

How could you walk out so easily?

♥

missing you

Missing someone isn’t about how long it has been since you last seen them or the amount of time you’ve talked.

It’s about that very moment when you find yourself doing something & wishing they were right there by your side.

Here I am, lying on the bed.

Thinking of you, hoping you're doing fine there.

Missing you.

Wishing you were right here.

pieces of the history

Once in my past, I remember holding a hand so tight thinking that it would be mine for the rest of my life. I gave my whole heart and built my future around him, and solely on what he wants. He's the reason of all my actions. One day, I had to let him go, I had to let go of his hand. Let everything I built go, leaving the future so vague. I want to hold on so bad but things went downhill. We went separate ways, I wished him the best. Hoping someone would give him the best that I failed to give.

I am sorry.

future travel list part 1

I just had a really random thought of creating my own future travel list.

I never had an official travel list before as I didn't really have any specific place I want to visit.

Now, the urge is back and I can't wait to list down a few places I'll really love to visit!

1. Greece

Mykonos

Santorini

Both the islands of Santorini and Mykonos is a must see in Greece. Santorini is one of the most romantic island in Greece, it was formed by a volcano eruption in the 1500 BC. Mykonos offers the best nightlife in Greece and their golden sandy beaches are to die for <3 I really like the white houses too. It's so prettyyy!

2. Italy

Venice

Rome

Milan

Florence

Italy is definitely a must visit for me, Rome especially, Vatican City ftw! Overdose of Angels&Demons. There's Venice, I will want to go there with my significant other in the future! Milan is the city of fashion, so you know lah. The city of Florence is the birthplace of Italian Renaissance, being able to see the real city is definitely an honor. Italy have amazing cities and I can't wait to step foot in them!

I will love to continue posting, but its 4.50am and I'm getting too lazy to find pictures.

Guess I'll just have to continue next time ;)

Don't worry, it won't be long from now.