I just want to believe

I remember when I used to be the nicest girl.

I remember being ordered around.

I remember doing all the things and let others claim credit for it.

I remember how I used to not say bad things about people.

I remember not complaining about life.

I remember when I used to listen to my parents all the time.

I remember being the goody two shoes.

I remember the times when I was so scared to piss people.

the picture taken 4 years ago

All of a sudden, I became total opposite of it.

Contradicting everything I've done since before.

I used to be so weak, I would cry in school whenever someone call me fat or ugly.

I used to be very religious & holy.

So many 'I-used-to-bes' now makes me wonder, if what I've become now is really what I really want, or am.

There's just one moment where life hits you so hard, you don't know who to turn to, don't know what to do at all & it fucking kills you from the inside, slowly, just taking away all the good things that happened, and making you doubt if this world is really full of happy endings or true love.

Have you ever wondered if you were given a chance to choose to do something and not fail at all, what will you choose?

Just anything at all.