Thursday, September 16, 2010

boy, you really changed my life ;)

We’re really close. People asked me “Would you ever like him?”, but I lie and tell them I would never like you. Once my friend asked me if I was thinking about you and I said no, but I was. I hope you were thinking about me, too.

I know I seem a bit hypocritical right now, but you don’t understand, I’m so happy with him, and I want to spend my time with him. Sometimes I don’t even realize it, but I’m sorry, I don’t mean it that way. I just can’t help it.

I don’t hate you. I’m just tired of all the constant pain, second guessing and confusion that I’ve had for months on end. I distanced myself from the causes, I’m sorry that it had to be you. But, I did it for my own good. I would do anything, anything at all to make this better. But I’m breaking, and I need to change something. I still love you, no matter what like I promised. I would never hate you. I could never hate you.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Here We Go Again

Sometimes I just wanna be impulsive enough to get on a plane/bus and vanish off
to a certain place, no one knows me.
Not leaving any notes or message.
just disappear

not for the attention.
just to get away from everything here.

they always seem to be able to fuck your life upside down
they call it unintentional.
I call it their fucking nature.

not insulting but yeah.
when they're too good. We complain
when they're too bad. We complain too.

I admit maybe we, ladies, are hard to please.
But men are the same no?
Why can't we have some equilibrium in them?
Why no optimal attitude men?


maybe I'm generalizing all men right now but just let me rant.

I haven't been ranting a lot in my blog.

get lost if you can't stand it. I am PMSing ==

When I want to go back, you call me dependent on my family and complain.
When I decide to stay, you pretend I'm non-existent and shove me right to one corner.
When I go out with new friends, you think I treat you as a rebound boy.
When I ask you out, you are never free for me.
When I don't, you think I'm good enough to fly on my own & start teasing me bout it.


I am never fighting back cause I thought men are always like that.
But sometimes, I just need you to initiate.
I need you to make me feel like I'm something.
Even if it's just a very small part.
At least make me feel wanted.

I may be harsh on words but if right now, you're going to ask me if I'm free for you, I will always be there, never once have I said no to you. Never once.
I may be pissed but the very next day, I will still be here for you when you need me.

I'm just a call away.


done ranting.

Friday, September 10, 2010

10 things lovers should know.

I am, in no way, admitting to dexterity and wisdom in relationships since I’ve had my fair share of retributions, jealousy over other girls and irrational outbursts. This list is based solely on what I think and according to what I observe in my present relationship and in others as well.

10. Take the bad and make it good. If it rains on a perfectly planned date, take off your stilettos and rubber shoes and get drenched. But if you’re too adamant to get too intimate with a harmless drizzles share an umbrella or a jacket and try avoiding puddles. If you’re out of money and out of luck in a once in a lifetime event, snuggle with your partner in a couch and go on movie marathons instead. Not only were you able to enjoy the supposedly ugly conditions, you were also able to weather together.

9. Be spontaneous. Show up at your special someone’s school/workplace without letting him/her know. Thrust a single-stemmed flower in front of him/her or treat him/her to dinner just because. There’s no need for a reason to surprise your loved one. Just don’t overdo it. Surprises tend to be routinary when done almost everyday. :)

8. When angry, sleep on it. Skip the cliche of never going to bed angry. It’s utterly and despicably false. As a female, I always had the innate urge to get things (i.e. issues) closed and packed up for a fresh start the next day. I want to cope with the whole problem today. Not tomorrow. Or the next day after that. But as I said, confronting problems at the exact same day when you’re stressed and raging with emotions always end up in a bigger fight and the anger ignited all the more. I should know.

7. Screw romance—a little. Whatever those paperback novels embedded in your mind aren’t always realistic. So let’s backtrack and stick to pragmatism. Never expect every single day with your special someone to be the same I-feel-butterflies-and-electricity-coursing-through-my-nerves-when-we-touch thing because it won’t. But don’t rule out romance. It’s vital but not as often. In my case, what I feel is security and happiness. On other days, when my beau is as sweet as my mom’s broken glass window dessert, I just feel like an eleven-year old swooning over her long-time crush. :)

6. Screw romance—a little. Part II. Although looking for that spark and intense combustion is inevitable (I hear ya ladies), the same feeling can be acquired when watching out for FUN in lieu of ROMANCE. Instead of fancy dinner dates and violins, have a water gun fight or a barbecue eating contest. Challenge each other in games you both adore (i.e. basketball, dota) and have pillow fights on the way. You’re not only keeping that “spark” alive, you’re also having fun without a dash of pretense at all.

5. Flair up those imperfections. Whether it’s my gap-tooth(which I hate) or my lisp(which I hate even more), my beau continues to adore me. Lesson? Whatever those flaws you think will discourage the apple of your eyes, try to act naturally confident with them. They may be imperfection in your eyes, but in your partner’s, they’re the quirky part of you s/he’ll never get over teasing you with. :) And we love a good tease don’t we?

4.Get your own social circle. Don’t let your world revolve around your loved one. It’s either you will scare her away because of your obsession (was that her hair under your pillow?) or because you choke him with your possessiveness (I need space! I need space! I need—-Arrrrrghhh!). The downward spiral will hit you so fast, you’ll only have time to bid adieu. Instead, bond with your friends (that s/he knows and trusts) without your special someone.

3. Do new things together. Go to dance classes or painting lessons. Learn how to cook or sew. Go skydiving or bungee jumping. Donate your time to charities or spend the afternoon cleaning some aged neighbor’s backyard. The point is, do it with your partner. The experience will not only thrill you, you can also spend the time getting to know each other. :)

2. Laugh like tomorrow is Armageddon. Nothing cures a sour day than a heavy bunch of laughter dipped with the glaze of humor and smiles. And nothing douses lovers’ quarrel than a good joke to stir up laughter. Laughing trips make the relationship stronger and more enjoyable. :)

1. Communicate. A lot. Whether you’re on a long-distance relationship or you’re close to each other (just like myself), the key is to communicate a lot. And don’t talk about the superficial stuff (i.e.our neighbor’s sister’s niece, your cousin’s mistress’ secretary)—although you can use some of them to determine a person’s personality and attitude—unless it directly affects the both of you. Talk about yourselves. Your dreams. Ambitions. Future goals. Motto. Your thoughts on love and relationships. If you can’t talk about these stuff now, then how can you talk about the more important issues in the future??