Sunday, June 28, 2009


All the roads we have to walk along are winding
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding
There are many things that I would like to say to you
I don't know how, because, maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me?
And after all, You're my wonderwall.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Engaged Idealist

Engaged Idealists are extroverted and helpful. Others find them to be very congenial and inspiring - especially as they are always willing to see the best in the other person. Their humour, their energy and their optimism attract other people. Engaged Idealists are very good at communicating and are good at convincing and firing on others. That is why it is a matter of course that they often take over the leading role in groups. This personality type often produces very charismatic persons.

Engaged Idealists have an unusually strong ability to empathise. They are tolerant and generous towards others; they sometimes tend to idealise their friends. They always try to suit everybody and want their relationships to be harmonious and satisfactory. To achieve this, they are prepared to invest a great deal and to put their requirements last. As Engaged Idealists are very considerate, there is the danger of them sacrificing and overexerting themselves for others. In their job, they therefore have to be very careful not to develop a burnout syndrome.

Engaged Idealists are reliable, well organised and love structuring complicated situations. They have difficulty accepting criticism; they quickly feel hurt and misunderstood. Their perfectionism also influences their love life - they look for the perfect relationship for life. Once they have made their decision, they are faithful, well-balanced and loving partners. However, should they get involved with the wrong person, it can happen that they allow themselves to be exploited for a long time before they end the relationship.

Adjectives which describe your type: extroverted, theoretical, emotional, planning, idealistic, committed, likable, enthusiastic, responsible, helpful, loyal, diplomatic, friendly, inspiring, caring, solicitous, optimistic, effusive, adaptable, communicative, articulate, convincing, energetic, optimistic, open, vulnerable

Sunday, June 21, 2009


Classical conditioning
Melanie Hernandez C. - Wait For You (Neutral stimulus)
She listens to this song every time she chats with him online (Unconditioned Stimulus)
He made her happy, she smiled like nothing else matter (Unconditioned Response)
Every time the song plays (Conditioned Stimulus)
She smiles (Conditioned Response)

Stimulus Generalisation ;
In classical conditioning, the tendency for the conditioned stimulus
to evoke similar responses after the response has been conditioned.
For example, she has been conditioned to fear seeing his car,
she will exhibit fear of any cars similar to the conditioned stimulus.

Self-handicapping ;
An action or choice which prevents a person from being responsible for failure.
For example, a student decides to go out partying
and drinking the night before an important exams.

This is Psychology overdose.
it's easier when you're applying it to real life examples.
If only, everything is as easy.
I've been thinking way too much.
Concluding my own conclusions.
Changing my perceptions.
Don’t act distant to hide affection.
Don’t pretend like you don’t care when you really do.
If you’re not strong enough, don’t do the two sentences typed above.

It’s too late, now.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

i am that girl.

I am the kind of girl that will do the silliest things when you're around because I can't focus, I can't breathe properly when you're around. I am the kind of girl that will laugh for no reason at all because when you laugh, you make me want to laugh with you. I am the kind of girl that will bake you cookies even if I did not know how to bake just because I know you like eating them. I am the kind of girl who will learn all the chapters of mathematics just so I can tutor you. I am the kind of girl who will buy you supper because I like you fatter. I am the kind of girl who will learn foreign language because I know you want to visit that country one day. I am the kind of girl who will learn about other sports because you play and watch them. I am the kind of girl who will listen to the music you listen because they're awesome like you. I am the kind of girl who will talk only about you everyday to my friends just because I can't stop thinking of you. I am the kind of girl who will smile like the happiest girl alive because you're talking to me.

I am the kind of girl who will love you a lot more than you will ever know.
more than you will ever know.


300th post

5 more days to mid term.
I'm scared, to bits.
I really am.
The post mid term plans are not making it go away.
Knowing you are not part of the plan makes it worst.
I miss you.
I seriously shouldn't be thinking of you.


Sunday, June 14, 2009

what is life without you ?

"I hate you...", she pulled away from him.
"It's not like what you think it is. I SWEAR!", he came running after her.
"This is over. WE ARE OVER!", she screamed and ran away.
He, was there, all alone, feeling dejected. He kept whispering soft apologies but she was no longer there. He was angry, angry at himself for taking this relationship for granted.
He drove off. Full speed. Drifted.
There was a lorry from the other side of the road, he did a quick turn, lost control of his car, tyres were screeching, the car violently swerved and hit the side of the road.

* * * * * * *

It was just a dream.
thank God.

Friday, June 12, 2009

I just want you to know

I used to want everything to stay the same.
But feelings fade and people change.
So, I'm going to live every moment like its my last,
and not let the future be based on my past.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

the Beginning

I took too many things for granted.
Now, it's ruling over me.

I took the joy and minus it with the misery
I see a positive
Joy > Misery
Joy wins.

I am happy :)
i am learning to appreciate the happy times.
just smile
&& savour it all.

Monday, June 8, 2009

i don't love you

I don't love you
I don't love you
I don't love you
or maybe not...

Just one day, I'll be able to look you in the eyes
& say these four words.
I will.
I know I will.

Sunday, June 7, 2009

sometimes you just feel everything and nothing all at once.
sometimes you will find yourself smiling while missing something at the same time.
at times you can absolutely love a person, all the while wanting to hate them.

life comes without guarantees.
except that smiling will brighten your face, laughing will enhance your eyes, and falling in love will change your life.

when i met you, i never would have imagined that i would have such strong feelings for you.
i never would have thought i would have dreams about you, or miss being by your side.
i never thought i would get butterflies in my stomach when someone mentions your name. when i first met you, i never would have thought i would love you.

I know we're complete strangers now, we both pretend like we don't care, but I can feel the tension as much as you can.
I know how to hide my feelings from your piercing stare
& no matter what you think, I still miss you.

And I hope that someday we could talk and forget that time ever drew distance between us.
We could make a bridge out of words, as fragile as it might be, the awkward pauses and incomprehensible mumbling twisting and twining into some stronger foothold.
Someday, I might reach you and redeem myself.
But I wouldn't count on it anytime soon.

Sometimes I just want to play L4D with you everyday
So I can kill you, virtually
At least with that, I know I won't lose you for real

Saturday, June 6, 2009

i am not me

People don't change; they just become more and more of themselves.

Here I am blogging instead of studying, again. Chained to the laptop, was playing Bejeweled for the whole hour, thanks to someone for getting me hooked up with it, blah blah blah, and mid term is not too long from now, like approximately two weeks? Two more Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays & Fridays and it's mid term! My brain is often distracted, blocked away from remembering any words, sentences, paragraphs I read; wtf right. Anyway, it has been 6 months of college, how time flies.

A lot of things have been going on; personal & non-personal, right at the point when I thought my life just can't get any better, it came crashing down. Oh well, that's how life works, no? Learning to get used to it as much as I don't want to. Sometimes I wonder how nice would it be if I could just remain the happiness for a longer time, making it permanent, without really needing a reason to. You know? Like you feel happy, eventually, not because someone made your day, then again, not quite possible I guess. Everything has its backfire moments, including human.

June didn't start too well, I distanced myself. Confusion, misunderstandings, miscommunications, barriers of involvement. Maybe, it’s just my insecurities these days, it grew on me. I couldn’t go through a day not feeling paranoid too. Karma, karma, bad mouthing people bout their paranoia and insecurities; now it’s taking its toll on me.

Everyone make mistakes, and everyone is bound to get hurt.
Well said.

I pulled myself back together so no one knows.
I put a smile because I can. I laughed so you know.
I walked away, but to avail, I glided back unknowingly.
I am a confused person. I want to leave, but on the other hand, I don’t.
I don’t know what to do…

Friday, June 5, 2009


Your Life's Account:

Your happiness is your profit

Your sorrows are your losses

Your soul is your goodwill

Your heart is your fixed asset

Your duties are your outstanding expenses

Your friendship is your hidden adjustment

Your character is your capital

Your knowledge is your investment

Your patience is your interest

Your mind is your bank balance

Your bad thinking is your depreciation

Your behavior is your journal entry

Your wife is your partner

Your child is your long term goal and

Your death is your closing stock

This is so right.
hidden adjustment & profit.
I need more interest, like seriously

Thursday, June 4, 2009

morning sunshine

I'm unpredictable like that.
but who would have thought, right?

Wolverine; eye-candy.
Superman; Wonderwoman's
Batman; I like Badman ;b

Sleep earlier, hon.
& pay attention in class.
I'll miss you :))

- N

Wednesday, June 3, 2009



你最近還好嗎 ? 是不是也在思念裏掙紮 ?
你說會記得我 還記得嗎 ?
你最近還好嗎 ?
忙碌嗎累嗎 心還會痛嗎 ?

昨天遠了 明天還長 回憶模糊但巨大

有沒有什麽好方法讓寂寞更听话 ?

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Black & White.

You're not talking, we're not talking much anymore. I'm guessing you're busy nowadays, with all the new friends. I do not blame you, why should I? We're just friends, okay, maybe we weren't even friends, acquaintance I guess. Or we weren't even close to being acquaintance, no more hellos & mornings in the morning anymore. Barely a goodnight or goodbye ever since your last.

I don't know how to put this into words but we used to talk like nothing matters, and now, we are talking with full cautious, afraid of saying the wrong things, scared of uttering the mistaken phrases, the fear of misleading each other to more confusion. We are beginning to drift apart from all the unspoken words.
I was never angry at you, I never would, even if I said I was/am, do you really think I would ignore you for some petty things like that?

I believed you are different from others. I still do, your reassurance never fade.
I told her words I want you to hear, black&white, the grey area of us.
All our indifferences, my flaws, your imperfections.
We are no different from all.
Miscommunication, I guess.

I don't like you.
I just think you brighten my day up.
Your smile, made my day.
Your presence, ease my pain.
I don't like you, at all.
I just think of you most of the time.
&& I talk only about you.
I honestly don't like you.
contrary much

fool for you



I got super high >:b

Kylie found out 'bout my secret's secret.
one thousand and four baby!

I was knocked hard, today.
please uncharm me you stupid charmer.


I :DDDDDD when you :))))))
I :'(((((((((( when you :((((((
they said I'm useless like that.
I said I'm a sucker for you.

heee heee.

Monday, June 1, 2009


I bit my lips.
Its bleeding.
I can taste the blood.

I counted from one to one thousand and four just now.
I could not continue after one thousand and four.
case related.

its freaking four in the morning.
I have class in four hours time
yet I'm still wide awake.