Friday, October 8, 2010

when the light goes off

No, I’m not suicidal, really. I just want to feel the adrenaline rush, all my life I have been trying to do things to get me killed and also get my heart pumping fast, I want to cross the highway with my eyes closed, I want to go skydiving even with a height phobia, I want to drive more than 160km/h on a busy road (not that I haven’t). But now, with all this little petty issue, it’s really pushing me to the edge. I would like to dive into the apartment swimming pool from the 19th floor just to see if I will survive, even knowing almost impossible for the human race in this world to survive the fall/dive. Honestly, I am not suicidal. I’m not killing myself.

Death; scares me, but one day I’m afraid I’d overcome this fear because this is not the first time anymore. As the clock is ticking, there are even more thoughts flooding over my mind, like it has a mind of its own, telling myself to walk away from everything. What scares me is just that one day, I just might...

I’m not suicidal, I’m just a hypocrite.

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